Husbands Love Your Wife
The marriage relationship is a great mystery but it represents Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31-32 (HCSB)
31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
A man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife to become “one-flesh” or “one-complete” person together with her. The woman is incomplete until she is married to a man and a man is incomplete until he is married to a woman. But when they are joined together in marriage then there is nothing lacking but they become “one-complete” person together in Christ.
Just as Christ gave himself for the church so the husband is to give himself for his wife and for his children. This is the main driving force behind why a married man will labor to feed his family and even risk his life to defend them. This is the motivating factor behind the principle of “Expansive-Energy” which causes a formerly aimless single man to live for something greater than himself as a married man with his own family to care for.
See the link “Expansive Energy” for more details.
Loving the Wife
Ephesians 5:33 (HCSB)
33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
The scripture commands that husbands should love their wives as themselves. This means that the wife is part of a man and she completes him by providing all of his missing parts. Therefore, the wife is part of the man and he should treat her as if she is part of his own body.
Ephesians 5:28-30 (NASB)
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
A man knows to take care of his own body and even the slightest wound like a tiny sliver in his finger will get his immediate attention. In the same way that he cares for his own body and protects it from harm so he should also care for his wife as if she was a part of himself. The husband is to nourish and cherish his wife just as he would care for the needs of his own body for food and water and even to pull out a thorn or tiny sliver from his flesh so it can heal.
Building the Mood
When a man brings home nice gifts for his wife and he displays affection for her during the day then this is something that will build up and activate something romantic in the bedroom that night. A wife needs to feel loved and her husband can build this romantic mood with his wife in advance by treating her special and giving her attention in small things. For example, if she cut her finger and the husband cares for the wound and treats it and bandages it and gives it a symbolic kiss like he is caring for a little girl then this is something that makes his wife feel loved. It is not necessary since she is an adult (and not a child) but at the same it will pay back big dividends to the husband when they experience wonderful and fulfilling sex-life in marriage. The man can learn how to build a romantic mood with his wife during the day and even during daily living experiences throughout the week where he looks for ways to show affection for her. This builds up within her heart and overflows in the bedroom when the wife desires and needs his love. In fact, great marriage relations are based upon love and the out flow of love between the married couple.
But if a man is grouchy and harsh in his ways and demanding and angry then he can hurt his wife’s emotions and because of this his marriage relations will go sour. She will feel like a “dirty-prostitute” instead of a “loving wife” when a domineering and angry man tries to force sex upon her when he has not been treating her in loving manner all day long.
This is why it is important for a man to find ways to express his love and care for his wife during the day in order to build up a romantic mood that will pave the way for great marriage relations in the bedroom that night. Just doing little things (like holding the door open for her) shows her that he cares about her and respects her and these small things all lend toward building a romantic mood needed for great marriage relations between a husband and his wife.
The bible commands that a husband love his wife because the couple cannot become “one-flesh” or “one-person” together if the man is harsh and abusive and hurts is wife continually by his harsh words or negative actions against her.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
The man has to dwell with his wife with understanding knowing that she is made differently than a man and her mind operates differently as well. The woman is gifted to see the details of life and can make a house into a comfortable home for her family. The man has to understand her needs about details and how it is natural for her to seek to “build her nest” as she seeks to beautify her home for her family. If the man gets grouchy with her for spending on the house, then he can hurt her deeply. He has to tell her when she can buy something or if she has to wait until the budget is available first. But the man should not be harsh and cuss her out in anger for spending money. He has to use his words carefully and say something simple like “That is a good idea but we will have to pray and ask God to provide because it is not a good time right now when we have to pay other more necessary bills first.” In this manner he does not hurt her but is able to still manage the budget until they can afford the things which she needs to beautify the home.
Intimacy in Marriage
It should be understood that God has created sexual intimacy between a man and a woman for them to experience the rewards associated with holy sexual relations within marriage. The world has perverted sex so badly that many Christians were afraid to even consider addressing this topic as they falsely assume that married sex is somehow sinful – (when in fact sex within marriage is something holy in God’s sight).
Act of Marriage Book
Below is a Christian book called “The Act of Marriage” by Tim LaHaye which goes into great detail to describe the “holy act” of sexual relations within marriage for Christian married couples as man and wife.
Below is a review written about this book showing that often sexual relations are perverted by the secular world and also perverted by extreme religious views (meaning those views or opinions that were regulated by humans and not by God).
In extreme religions like Islam, they even amputate the woman’s clitoris before puberty thinking that this will keep female sexually pure if they remove the organ God has created for women to experience sexual pleasure in marriage. So Muslim women can never experience pleasure in marriage because of this “amputation” (referred to in Islam as female circumcision).
But the female clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings and it is possible for women to attain extreme levels of pleasure during holy sexual relations together with their own husbands. Marital sexual relations are not sinful but this experience is created as “God’s reward” for those who keep sexual relations within the confines of holy marriage.
God Created Sex for Enjoyment for Married Couples
All forms of sex (outside of marriage between a man and his wife) are strictly forbidden by God. Sex between unmarried people is called fornication and sexual relations among those not married to each other is called adultery.
Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Sexual married relations are holy in God’s sight but fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God for the sin of sexual immorality. This is because God holds human sexual relations as sacred because sexual relations hold the power of procreation. An eternal human spirit is created the moment when a male sperm unites with a female egg in sexual relations. This eternal spirit has the potential to live forever in either heaven or hell depending upon if the person is able to use their human freewill to either accept or reject the atoning work of Christ. Christians are typically against abortions for this reason knowing that abortion is murder because a fetus has an eternal human spirit which is created upon the moment of conception. So human sexual relations are “sacred” in God’s sight and should be confined only to marriage. Human sexual relations have the power of procreation and can create eternal beings.
1 Corinthians 7:14 (NASB95)
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
If one of the parents is a believer then the offspring are considered holy in God’s sight. It is as if the believing parent covers for the child until the day that the child is able to make a willful decision of its own to accept Christ. It is believed that the same can be said of babies lost in miscarriage. The overall idea is that God is a good God and he will do what is right for those babies who were miscarried or aborted by their own mothers. These are deep topics but it is enough to know such wisdom resides with God and God will do what is right for each individual case on judgment day.
The main point to be made here is that sexual relations are to be confined only within the boundaries of marriage between a man and a woman. A married couple can conceive children together and raise them up according to godly biblical standards. In this manner, the knowledge of God can be carried on into the next generations as the godly children carry the moral values taught to them by their own parents to their own children and grandchildren after them. In this way, the knowledge of God will never die out on the earth.
Sex Created For Pleasure in Marriage
It is obvious that married sex provides offspring to replenish the human population on earth (which is constantly aging and passing away by death). However, procreation is not the only purpose of sexual relations in marriage. This can be seen in the fact that a woman’s clitoris never grows old. Even after menopause, a woman can still experience great pleasure and even attain “extreme orgasm” during sexual relations with her own husband.
Proverbs 5:18–19 (NASB95)
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.
The bible even speaks of holy marital sexual relations saying that a man’s fountain should be blessed. God can bless sexual relations in marriage and the man’s sexual organ is called a “fountain” since it is a “fountain-of-life” capable of creating new offspring and producing great sexual pleasure in marriage. The man is to rejoice in the wife of his youth. This means he should marry while he is still young to the woman he loves and is attracted to. His wife is like a loving hind or graceful doe (animals of grace and beauty). The man is to be satisfied by his wife’s breasts, meaning that all that is feminine within his wife (as represented by her breasts – which is specifically common to women). When young men desire a woman it is because all that is missing within him is found in his wife.
When the first man Adam was created by God, he was made from the dust of the earth. But when the woman was created she was made from the flesh and bone of Adam. Everything that was once feminine was removed from Adam and placed into his wife Eve. This is evidenced by the trace feminine parts that are still found in men (since all men still have nipples). But when a man is joined to his wife in marriage then everything that was removed from him is again restored. A single man is incomplete until marriage and a single woman is incomplete until marriage because what is missing is found only in the opposite gender. Two males cannot complete each other because they both have the same parts. Two women cannot complete each other because they have the same parts. Only a man and a woman can complete one another so all that is missing in one is provided by the other. Thus a married man and married woman are no longer two separate individuals but they become “one-flesh” or “one-complete” person together in marriage (with nothing missing in either one).
Even natural body parts indicate women are made for men since their sexual organs are made completely different but at the same time they are made for each other. Men are women are different in every cell of their bodies and even skeletal bone structures can be identified as either male or female. This difference also includes how men and women think because masculine logic and feminine thinking are two different things.
See the link “Husbands Understand your Wife” for more details.
Husbands must also understand how a woman thinks regarding sexual relations within marriage. The orientation of women for sexual relations is all based upon love. When they have sexual relations with their husbands it is because they love their man. It is completely foreign for a woman to have sexual relations in the absence of love. They will say, “How can he have sex after we just had a fight and have not made up or even reconciled yet?” When a man has sex (when they are not in good relations with their wife) then the woman will feel like a dirty prostitute. It is for this reason that men should make a commitment that they will never have sexual relations with their wives if ever they are not in good relationship together (or if they just had a fight). They must first be reconciled to one another and forgive each other before they attempt to have sexual relations. This is good advice for all young men when they get married because many men treat their wife in rough and demanding manner or are grouchy with them or even fight with them and then proceed to attempt sexual relations without restoring their relationship with their wife first.
There exists a common “joke” among married couples that when a woman does not want to have sex she will start to make excuses to avoid it such as saying, “I have a headache!” But the real reason she is avoiding sex is most often due to “emotional reasons” because the man she loves is treating her badly and is harsh and demanding and grouchy with her. This bad behavior all pours “cold water” on the desire for the woman to have sex with her husband. Thus she will often make excuses to avoid sex which is not pleasing to her if she does not feel loved by her man.
Having a Beautiful Woman who Desires to Have Sex with Her Husband
It would be the “dream” of every young man to have a beautiful wife who is always available to him for sex whenever he wants. This however is not just fantasy because when a man dwells with his wife in an understanding manner, she will in fact be in the mood all of the time! She will never refuse him and is always ready and willing to have sex. This seems to be God’s reward for married couples that they can experience great pleasure and satisfaction within the marriage bed (if they will take the time and effort to build a relationship of love and understanding between them).
Ephesians 4:32 (NASB95)
32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
The bible says that believers are to be tender-hearted toward each other and forgiving each other and this most assuredly applies to a husband and wife relationship more than to any other human relationship on earth. If a man will be kind and tender-hearted toward his wife and they forgive each other quickly they can enter into a realm where their marriage sex-life is “superpowered” in divine manner! It pays big dividends for them to walk in love and be kind to each other in married life. This is why it seems that sexual pleasure in marriage is God’s reward for the married couple keeping and maintaining good marriage relations together. Such a woman will never be making excuses to avoid sex because she will be aroused all of the time and ready for her man because a woman’s sexual relations with her own husband is entirely wrapped up in and based upon the love that exists between them.
The pleasure switch however will be shut-off if their relations are not in good standing and if there is offense or hurts that have not be addressed and the couple has not yet restored their relationship before having sex.
Men Keeping a Pure Mind Within the Marriage Bed
It is nearly impossible to keep young people from defilement because the devil works “overtime” trying to bring spiritual defilement to everyone. But a godly family can protect their kids as much as possible so that they will have less inhibitions than those who have been defiled with complete abandon. The area of pornography and masturbation is one example of this because if a young man develops a bondage in this area and then gets married, then these bad things of defilement can follow him into his marriage.
If a man is having sexual relations with his wife (while at the same the is he is having sex with some porn image in his mind) then his wife will feel that. Women are very sensitive emotionally and can tell if something is wrong and they will sense that the man is having sex with someone else or having sex with some mental porn image during their marriage relations. Such a man is not “in-tune” with his wife (who needs some time to be stirred up first) before reaching sexual climax. A man who is engaging in sexual relations with his wife must be “in-tune” with his wife because he if he is doing his own thing mentally then she will know it. This is just one more thing that will “turn-off” a woman and cause her to begin to make excuses to avoid sex with her husband. A man addicted to porn will make his wife feel like a dirty prostitute! In order to have “real-time” sex the man has to be sensitive to his wife and he should listen to her sounds or watch for the body responses of his wife to see when she has reached the point of arousal. He can learn to control himself by thinking of something else to delay his release until his wife is ready. Then he can release when his wife has hit climax and the results can be explosive for both parties. This can be described as “real-time” sex meaning that he waits for his wife and is not selfish by just ejaculating before she is ready.
Again, this theme comes up that a man should care about others more than himself and this certainly includes sexual relations in marriage. It has been said that a woman is slow to “stir-up” like a “slow cooker” because she has to be stimulated by touch and also must have good emotional condition created by a husband who has been loving and kind toward her. The man can be compared to a “microwave” because he can stir up and release almost instantly. But in order for both parties to each reach climax together the man has to give consideration to his wife and not be selfish. He has to wait for his wife and learn to control himself to release at the same time when his wife reaches climax. Thus such a marriage relationship will never experience a situation where the woman is always making excuses to avoid sex. If the husband is kind and loving toward his wife and he also prefers her over himself in bed then she will obtain such a climax of pleasure that she can be the one who wants to have sex all of the time. Thus a young man’s desire to have a beautiful woman desiring to have sex with him all of the time can be fulfilled. This is again a reward from God when both parties walk in love and forgiveness toward each other and both parties are pure (both physically and mentally) in God’s sight so there is nothing to hinder them from reaching orgasm. In fact when both the man and the wife really draw close to God they can obtain “out-of-this-world” levels of pleasure in marriage. Again, it must be noted that God created sexual relations as a reward for humans who obey God’s laws to keep sex within marriage and to walk in love and forgiveness toward each other and to consider the other more important than oneself (even during sex).
However, if there is any form of defilement (such as mental porn or adultery or fornication) in the mind of the man, then this can greatly diminish sexual pleasure within marriage (and turn-off the wife) until such time that sex relations is diminished to the point of being almost “non-existent” within that broken marriage. Cheating on a spouse can also ruin married sex-life forever. This is is why “holiness” is a major part of obtaining high levels of climax which have never been experienced by those who are not believers and never experienced by those who live sinful lifestyles (breaking God’s laws). Such morally defiled people will never experience the levels of pleasure that a married man and married woman have in holy matrimony (who are walking in love and forgiveness and have good relationship together).
Avoiding Sexual Immorality at all Costs
1 Corinthians 6:18–20 (NIV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
The scripture above says that a person who commits sexual immorality sins against their own body. It is no wonder that Satan works so hard to tempt young people to bring them into defilement in this area. It is important to teach young people the importance of staying sexually pure until they are married because if they fall in this area it can leave scars in their lives that can cause inhibitations in their future marriage. It is far better to remain virgin until marriage so that they both can give themselves to each other without any inhibitions or or guilt or shame that can affect them later in life.
1 Corinthians 7:9 (NASB95)
9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
It is good if the young men can marry as soon as possible (if they are prepared in advance so they can take care of a wife and family). Instead of falling into sexual immorality and sinning against God, they can marry and be completely satisfied by holy sexual relations with their own wife.
Proverbs 5:1–14 (NASB95)
1 My son, give attention to my wisdom, Incline your ear to my understanding;
2 That you may observe discretion And your lips may reserve knowledge.
3 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech;
4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death, Her steps take hold of Sheol.
6 She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.
7 Now then, my sons, listen to me And do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8 Keep your way far from her And do not go near the door of her house,
9 Or you will give your vigor to others And your years to the cruel one;
10 And strangers will be filled with your strength And your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien;
11 And you groan at your final end, When your flesh and your body are consumed;
12 And you say, “How I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof!
13 “I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to my instructors!
14 “I was almost in utter ruin In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
The scriptures above give instruction to the young men to avoid sexual immorality at all costs. A man who commits sexual immorality actually sins against his own soul. But this sin can lead to eternal destruction because the steps of the adulteress go down into death. A young man should be instructed to never give his substance to an immoral woman who only wants to bankrupt him. Contrast this with having a good wife who does him good and serves him all of the days of his life. A good wife will appreciate his labor to provide for her and to feed his family but an immoral woman has no love for him at all but only wants to bankrupt him of all that he has.
Why should the young man give his vigor to others who are strangers to him? Why should his labor go to strangers who have no love for him whatsoever? Why should his hard-earned goods be given to an alien who does not even know him? Again, he should save his substance for his own wife at home who loves him so he can build a life together with his own wife and experience God’s blessing and increase together as a married couple.
Venereal Disease
Proverbs 5:11 (NASB95)
11 And you groan at your final end, When your flesh and your body are consumed;
This scripture above speaks of venereal disease by saying his flesh and body will be consumed (by an evil disease). Doing an internet search of venereal disease can produce some “ghastly” images showing what this terrible disease can do as it destroys human flesh! But this disease will not come upon those who keep themselves pure and never touch any sexual immorality outside of marriage with their own wives at home.
Clean and Holy Relations With Your Own Wife
Proverbs 5:15–17 (NASB95)
15 Drink water from your own cistern And fresh water from your own well.
16 Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you.
The scripture above speaks of having sexual relations within your own marriage like having clean water from your own well at home. Having sex with strangers is like drinking dirty water from a sewer running in the public streets! If a man is a virgin when he marries and his wife is also a virgin then there is no chance of either one getting a sexually transmitted disease. They can fully be satisfied by holy sex in marriage which is pure and reserved only for their own spouses.
Proverbs 5:18–20 (NASB95)
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress And embrace the bosom of a foreigner?
A man’s fountain can be blessed within sexual relations with his own wife. He and his wife can produce godly offspring and can enjoy a lifetime of fulfilling sexual married relations. This is a reward from God for staying holy and keeping sexual relations confined only to marriage. So sex in marriage can be compared to keeping a fire only within a fireplace to warm the house. But sex outside marriage is destructive like having fire outside of the fireplace which will burn down the entire house and everything in it.
Humor Spawns Intimacy
It has been said that if a man can make a woman laugh – then he can kiss her. This same principle also applies to marriage because a man can use clever wit to make his wife laugh and then she will be open to have sex with him at any time!
Note: Clicking in the image below will open the associated stored video:
In the above video, a man props up a phone against his wife’s vagina area then proceeds to have an imaginary conversation with her vagina saying that every time he wants to come in that he always finds that it is closed! So, (as if he is talking to customer service), he says he will have to check with the owner of this vagina to see if she will let him in. His wife breaks out in a big smile as soon as she understands his clever-wit and cute sense of humor as he is asking her for sex. So his wife responds by saying that he is welcome to come in at any time. This type of playful banter can dissolve any tensions and can immediately put a wife in the mood for having sex with her funny and clever husband.
Wife Expressing Terms of Endearment for Husband’s Private Part
There are many ways which a married couple can stir up the fire and cultivate a romantic relationship together. Often married couples will speak of their spouse’s private parts in “first-person” as if it is their special friend.
Note: Clicking in the image below will open the associated stored video:
The joy of marriage is that a husband and wife can fully enjoy each other and enjoy their spouse’s bodies (without any shame whatsoever) because all marriage relations are holy in God’s sight and nothing is sinful between them.
Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
This means that sexual relations in marriage are blessed by God and it is only sex outside of marriage that will be judged as sin. Fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God for the sin of sexual immorality. But this is not the case of married couples who should freely indulge in marriage relations (which are blessed by God) within their own marriage – which is holy in God’s sight.
Financial Planning for Young Men
There are Jewish people who begin financial planning for their own children well in advance of when they get married. I believe we can follow the same type of wisdom to prepare by buying a lot and building a house in advance so that when the son is ready he can marry as soon as possible. Often young men have to wait to get married until they can afford it first. But waiting can also open the young man to all types of temptations before he marries. It is far better for him to marry while he is still young to the girl he loves and be satisfied sexually in marriage rather than than to burn with passion and have no outlet to fulfill those desires. There are things that fathers can do to help their sons by planning in advance (as soon as they are born) so they can be ready to marry sooner when the time comes. I have some plans to help young men to provide for a family because it is a shame for them to grow old while waiting to afford marriage and then dying of old age without every having a wife and family.
See the link “Releasing Men for Marriage” for more details.