Finding a Spouse of Equal Status

It is of great importance that a young man find a spouse of equal status as himself. I have seen many marriages where men have married women of a third-world nation and experienced huge social differences. If a country has been under communist or socialist or Spanish culture rule for centuries, this can have a huge effect upon their population. Those born under abject poverty cannot easily just forget about their suffering relatives and enjoy a life of abundance (having food and clothing and all they want without lack). Recently my wife talked to a Korean man at the immigration office who married a woman 30-years younger who was from a third-world nation. He was rather wealthy because he owned a cattle farm but he ended up paying off all of the debts of his wife’s family in their country and he built them a new house in their country and it seems that the requests for financial aid never cease. I know many men who have married these type of women and most of these women came from a background of social economic suffering. One American man told his foreign wife that if she wanted to support her relatives back home then she would have to get a job and earn the money to send them herself. She complained how tired she was working so hard in America to earn money to send to her relatives back home. However, she failed to realize that every dollar that her American husband earned came by the sweat of his brow to earn it. It cannot just be squandered and handed out like her husband was “Santa Claus” just because her family is suffering back home.

See the link “Man’s Labor is Sacred” for more details.

I know many people from third-world countries and I have often been told that they were offended to be called “third-world” as if that was prejudice or racist to say such a thing. However, what is a normal middleclass citizen in a country like the USA is considered to be like a millionaire in a third-world nation. These poor people have suffered such abject poverty that hunger it is something that is a normal occurrence. They work together as a group to help one another survive such conditions. If one of them finds some provision, (such as marrying an foreigner who has a job) then they expect that the person who married such a husband would share her wealth with them to help them survive. This is a huge culture-shock when a man marries a third-world wife only to find that she is under constant pressure to help her suffering relatives back home. If the man does not help her send money to her relatives then he is considered as being greedy and so friction can develop in the marriage relationship.

Mark 10:6–9 (NASB95)
6 “But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE.
7 “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER,
8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

God hates divorce and when God joined a man and a woman in marriage it is causing them to become one-flesh or one complete person in marriage. God does not want humans to divorce so this is why young men should choose their would-be-wives carefully. In order to become united as one person they must have a certain level of “common-understanding” together.

Matthew 19:4–6 (NASB95)
4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,
5 and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’?
6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Again, God’s word says that a man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife to create a new family unit with the man and woman becoming one-person together. But how can they be joined if they are so terribly diverse that they have no common-ground whatsoever?

Do Not Mix with Something Incompatible

Below is an excerpt from the teaching lesson called “Mix Not Laws” which uses the illustration of mixing animals of different types together to pull a load under the same yoke.

Not Yoke Perverse Species

TWO DIFFERENT SPECIES IN SAME YOKE

Deuteronomy 22:10 (NASB)

¹⁰ “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.

It would be perversion to use two animals of different species to try and pull a load in unison together! An ox is slow and powerful and a donkey has a different gate and cannot pull together in unison with oxen. This would be as ridiculous as attaching a bulldozer and a dirt bike together on a load and expect them to pull together! The bulldozer would be pulling slow and powerful and the motorcycle would be throwing rooster-tails of dirt in the air as it spins its back wheels trying to pull the load. This is a modern picture of the absurdity of using an ox and a donkey in the same yoke to pull a load together!

The images above show the use of vastly different animal species attached together to pull a plow. Having cows and donkeys and camels yoked together in mixed pairs is absurd. These perverse combinations are illustrations of the same principle found in scripture that says an oxen and donkey should not be paired together to pull a plow. Anything that is missed-matched will not work together in unison and the animals above are so diverse that they cannot pull a load together. Each of them has a different gate, and speed and height and strength and yoked together they create much resistance against one another which reduces their ability to pull a load using their combined strength.

These images seen above of mixed paired animals yoked together were probably taken in the early 1900’s somewhere in the Middle East. Today most food production is done using mechanized agriculture so seeing a plow pulled by mixed livestock would be extremely rare in this day and age. While this may seem to have little application in modern agriculture today, the biblical principle of not yoking diverse species together like an ox and donkey still has a wide application in many other areas.

Often the term being “unequally yoked” can also be used to describe the marriage of individuals who are not compatible with each other.

This cartoon illustration above reminds me of a story that a friend told me of his sister-in-law and her husband. This sister-in-law received a liberal education where she was taught to resist male authority and assert her female equal rights. So, whenever the husband said anything this woman would automatically resist whatever he said! My friend started laughing at their behavior and they were puzzled about what he thought was so funny. He replied that this couple could not even decide what they would eat for dinner without this woman fighting her husband over it. She was just like this donkey in the above illustration that is yoked to an ox and is kicking and fighting against the oxen as she seeks to go her own way! There is no unity in a marriage where the woman refuses to adapt herself to her husband. She will never become one-flesh or “one-person” together with him if she is resisting every decision he makes. Having two heads in the marriage will result in turmoil and strife as the woman insists on having her own way and deprives the man of fulfilling his leadership role in the home as God intended for him to do.

If a man meditates on God’s word and lives according to God’s divine order but his wife is a liberal who contradicts and resists everything taught by the Bible, then they will be unequally yoked if they are married together. It would be better for a man to stay single than to marry a woman like that! If a woman wants to have her own way, then the man should not marry her and let her go to her grave as an old maid spinster. It is no wonder that over 50% of all marriages in liberal-controlled western nations end in divorce. This is because these liberal women in these marriages all behave like the donkey in the above illustration and resist their husbands in everything that he says.

This is an image of two oxen that were specifically chosen as a unified pair to pull a heavy load for a weight pulling competition. They have the same height, the same weight, the same gate, the same strength and are of the same species. They are able to pull in unison together resulting in the moving of a heavy load of great weight!

This image can serve as an illustration of unity when two are yoked together equally and are pulling together in unison. There is a force multiplying factor present when people work together which causes them to accomplish much more than if they were working alone as individuals. The total amount of work accomplished by a group is vastly increased over the sum total of all of the individuals working on their own. This same principle applies to any group of people which work together in unity.

Again, see the link “Mix Not Laws” for more details.

So this biblical principle has application to marriage as well because a man should not choose as woman who is so vastly different than he that coming one-flesh or one-person in marriage is almost impossible for that couple to attain. I say “almost impossible” because with humans this is impossible but with God he can make things work. But still if the woman refuses to submit herself to her own husband as God commands then there is more than 99% chance that such a marriage will fail and end in divorce.

But if the couple is joined together in unified manner then they are like the oxen in the image above because they can pull together as one team (being one-complete person together.

Time to Adapt and Become One-Person in Marriage

Deuteronomy 24:5 (NASB95)
5 “When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

The Jewish Torah (Old Testament of the Christian Bible) says that a man should have one full year free to stay at home and spend time with his newlywed wife. The fact of the matter is that it takes time to adjust to married life. If both the man and woman have been single for a long time then it will take some time to adjust to being married. A newly married man cannot be flirting with other women as he did when he was a single man looking for a wife. He has to break old habits and dedicate himself fully to his wife and look at no one else. A single woman will have to adapt to being under the headship of her own husband and not suppose she can do whatever she wants to do. Neither one can just spend money freely without consent of their spouse (especially on expensive items). They have to learn to budget and save for a house so they have a place to raise their family.

1 Corinthians 7:34 (NASB95)
34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

When a couple is united in marriage they have to think about the other rather than please themselves. A man has the God-given role to fulfill as being a leader and provider and protector of his wife and children. The woman as the role to serve as a helpmeet to support her man so that he an focus on his job or occupation or business or ministry. A single man can never progress on his own because he needs someone to manage the home so he has a place of refuge and comfort to be refreshed and rested so he can again go forth to earn a living for his own family.

As a married couple they can no longer be to overly spiritual because it is required that they put natural things in order at home. The wife is to have the home clean and orderly and good food prepared for her husband and children. She has to be able to do shopping and marketing and manage the household budget. The man typicaly will not have time to do shopping when he is working long hours daily and has not time to do anything after work. The man and woman have their own specific roles and they are not be complimentary to one another so that the lives of both the man and the woman are enriched. A single man is barren as a single and a single woman is also barren but when they join together in marriage they both become fruitful and find new purpose in life by starting a family and having children.

A woman needs a husband who makes a living wage so that she can remain at home as a full-time homemaker (which is the greatest privelege on earth and the greatest source of happiness for any woman. Liberal women who pursue carreers are the most unhappy women on earth because they forsook having children and are pursuing money under the curse of Adam like a man. That is not their God-given role and they will never find happiness working for a living. Only when they have their own home and can raise their children in peace will they find lasting true happiness because that is the thing God created them for.

Psalm 113:9 (NIV)
9 He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.

There are actually a number of circumstances of why a woman could be childless. One can be physical such as how Sarah the wife of Abraham was barren and unable to have children (until God gave her a miracle) the same as what happened with Rebecca, and Hannah and other biblical women. God healed them and gave this children. But of curse if a woman is single she will remain barren until such time as she marries and has a husband. Only will a married couple be able to raise godly and well-adjusted children because children need both a mother and father to raise them properly. Single woman having children out of wedlock will typically raise kids to be a menace to society because they need a full-time mother at home and these unmarried women cannot work a job and raise children by themselves. Children left to themselves will typically join gangs and get involved in the wrong crowd and end up in jail or lose their lives to street violence etc. Children need two parents to grow up properly and the mother has the greatest role to play (especially during their formative years).

Women are made to have children and so they find fulfillment in having their own home and then they will become the happy mother of children. The greatest joy women can have on earth is to raise her children in her own home. It is important that her husband has a living wage so he can afford a home so his wife will be free to raise her family in peace. Raising children in an apartment is not good for family life and causes problems with neighbors etc.

See the “Financial Topics” category for men and the lesson called “No House-No Family” for more details.

How to Land a High-Caliber Wife

A really beautiful and intelligent woman (the kind that has the dignity and charm to be a wife of a king) is something that men should attain to. They should make something of themselves so that they can qualify for such a good wife. The main factor in landing such a high-caliber woman is that the man have clear and distinct purpose. He must be able to communicate his purpose to this potiental woman and then she will know what she will have to do in order to make her husband fulfill that purpose. Again, it should be noted that a woman is created by God to be a helpmeet to her own husband. Therefore she needs to know what is the vison of her man so that she can join together as a team (together with her husband) to fulfill these common goals.

Genesis 2:18 (NASB95)
18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

Every woman that was ever born since the time of the first woman Eve, all have the same purpose. They are created to be a helpmeet to their husbands and to serve in a supportive role. They cannot operate as a helpmeet if they are polluted by the false ideology of feminism because those women deceived by feminism will fight their husbands in everything that he says. It is better that no feminist woman ever be allowed to marry for this reason and I would counsel all young men to avoid such women like the plague!

In order for the newly married couple to become one-flesh or one-complete person together they will have to give up all independence. The woman will have to adapt herself to serve her husband and do anything possible for him to be energized toward success. If her husband is successful then his wife is also successful because they share everything equally together as one-person in marriage

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Feminist women would rebel against this scripture because it says that the woman is the weaker vessel and feminist believe the lie that men and women are equal. But God in fact created women with weakness so that it will only be natural for her to submit to her own husband. Women are deprived of the long-term masculine logic which men have. Women see immediate family needs while the man sees the steps which must be taken to attain financial stablity for the long-term good of the family. Men are women work perfectly together in marriage with the woman seeing the immediate family needs and the man seeing the long-term plan of causing increase for his family and saving for a better life.

The scripture above also speaks of the fact that the man and his wife are joint heirs together of the grace of life. This means that God’s blessing comes upon them both as one-person together. When the man wins his wife shares equally in the blessing of her husband. In fact the husband cannot have success in life as a single man because he needs someone at home to manage the household and take care of all of the details that are necessary for daily living. Without a wife he cannot excel as he is just reduced to survival mode like a single man eating canned food in an apartment because he has not time to cook for himself. A man with a good wife is empowered toward success because he can focus on what is important for wealth building rather than just existing and surviving like a single unmarried man. A woman brings order to his life and home so he has a refuge and place of rest so he has good food and is energized to do great things. The married man and woman work together as one-person and share equally all of the blessings God brings to their livers as a married couple.

But if a couple is divorced they are both brought to ruination. The woman will get half but then lose it all after it is all spent. Then the man cannot recover from a divorce and start over gain especially if he is over 50 because there is no time to start over in building wealth again. The man cannot be successful again without his wife because he will be reduced to survival mode as a single guy. Children are also destroyed if their parents divorce (especially if they are still young in their formative years. Children need both a father and mother because both parents have important roles to play. No divorced single woman can raise son to be a man because only a man can do such a thing. The man is to be a bread-winner and the woman a homemaker and together they both prosper tremendously. That is why God hates divorce so much because everyone involved is destroyed including the woman and the man and any children they might have.

See the Bible Translation Mistakes topics under “God Hates Divorce” for more details.

The purpose of this lesson is to speak of the great importance of having the right spouse. Both men and women must pray and ask God for the right spouse because it is the most important decision they can make (apart from the decision to accept Jesus and become saved).

See the link about salvation “New Creation Born of God” for more details.

But the decision of who you marry is the most important natural matter on earth because when a couple is married then they become one-flesh or one-complete person together. The man needs as wife who respects him and sees his vision and purpose. The woman needs to be able to serve as a helpmeet to her man and energize him toward success by taking care of the details of his life. When her man is successful then she will share equally in that success. They are joint heirs together of all of the blessings of God in life. The two joined in marriage can accomplish much more than what either of them could do as lonely single people. This is why God said it is not good that man be alone and the same thing is also true of a woman because it is not good that a woman be alone either. Both a single man and a single woman are both barren until such time as they marry and become one complete person together.

Malachi 2:14–16 (NKJV)
14 Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.
15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

God has made the man and woman into one complete person so that neither one is lacking. The woman supplies what is missing in the man and the man supplies what is missing in the woman. That is why God hates divorce because tearing them apart is like ripping a textile into pieces. The fibers of the garment will never be the same but are shredded and torn apart in violent manner. That is what happens when a couple is divorced because it destroys both parties. Divorced people will carry damage with them for the rest of their lives. Only if they were divorced as unbelievers and then later got saved can this damage be healed. But if they divorce as Christians they will be permanently scarred for life.

So marriage is a serious matter and should not be taken lightly.

Proverbs 19:14 (NASB95)
14 House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD.

The bible says that a prudent wife is from the Lord so young men can specifically pray and ask God for a prudent woman.

Proverbs 18:22 (NASB95)
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

Finding the right wife is a really good thing because a godly woman can encourage her man to get closer to God and to use his faith to trust God to accomplish great things. Again, when a good woman energizes her man to success then they share equally together all of the good things that God blesses them with because they are joint heirs together as one-person of all of God’s goodness in life.